Heard on the job

manager: can you do this in Java?

Team: Can you tell us some more about it?

manager: Yes but estimations and such will not work since it is fixed price and fixed scope. So it can not be done with scrum.

Team: Well you know …. manager, you

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Stuff they say.

Project manager to a team member of another project:

Agility is the most important thing. Often it are small questions, but they require immediate attention for the project to be able to proceed.

By which he means. If I need you, drop everything you are doing in your team for that other customers and forget about your sprint commitments

Heard on the job

PM: I used to send task to developers and told them what to do. Now they use scrum and I can’t tell them what to do.